I had a conversation with a very good friend from high school a while back that I think about often. I don’t remember exactly how it started but we came to the conclusion that I am an external processor and she is an internal processor. I don’t really know much about it except for what I make it mean for myself so here’s a link on external and internal processors if you wanna learn more.
As an external processor, I pretty much have to talk about my experiences almost immediately after they happen. I can’t really process personal experiences by myself and need to talk through my thoughts and feelings so that I can understand them. If I have an unpleasant conversation with someone, I have to talk about it with friends to understand exactly why that conversation made me pissed. The problem with being an external processor is that you have to talk about that bitch who cut you in line but you also have to talk about the deeper shit.
Now imagine being an external processor 11 hours and 9,600 miles (15,500 km) away from your favorite humans – you gotta make friends pretty quick. Having to talk about pretty much everything that happens in my life makes it so I have to be vulnerable with others once in a while and apparently vulnerability leads to closer friendships*. But no matter how close you get to a new friend, it is hard to replicate the intimacy developed through 10 years of knowing someone. When I was in Canada, I wrote this in my quote book: to the point where the people who love you no longer know you and those who know you don’t yet love you. (yes, I’ll admit it’s a little dramatic but it’s what came to mind my at the time).
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I’m not sure exactly what I’m trying to say with all this. I woke up in a strange mood and my mind has been a little wonky. Am I trying to say that I miss my humans in LA? Or that I feel misunderstood by my new friends in Nairobi? No, not really. I guess there is no moral to this story and I just needed to share a little piece of my brain (classic external processor).
*all these links I post are the first thing that shows up when I Google something. This goes to show that you can find supporting arguments for anything you want to say. I recommend reading about cognitive misers and the book The Knowledge Illusion if you’re interested in this stuff.
. searching for identities . 